Reflections on 2 years of being an Apprentice of Life

Chinese proverb: An inch of time is an inch of gold but you can't buy that inch of time with an inch of gold

It has been exactly 2 years to the date that I left Wall Street, and I am cognizant of where my time has gone and I absolutely treasure every moment of it. The past 24 months have been priceless from a mental, intellectual and emotional rejuvenation perspective. Though please don’t ask me how much gold that is worth in today’s market value, I consider that opportunity cost well worth every inch or ounce.

What are my lessons learned?

1) TIMING IS EVERYTHING: I left Wall Street at the top of the bull market; but unfortunately I left all my investments there too..........so watching my portfolio and my net worth halved was monumentally sobering over the past 24 months!

2) YOU KNOW WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE when you don't have a job! But luckily it became fashionable to be unemployed so I gained a lot of new friends. I am being facetious but you get the picture.....

3) ONE NEEDS LESS THAN ONE THINKS TO LIVE: some of my acquaintances used to wonder aloud how would I adjust to no more frequent dining at 5 star restaurants, flying business class, staying at the Four Seasons or the Ritz, sans a corporate expense account? Human beings are resilient, one learns to adjust to having less and I learn to appreciate a cup of instant noodles with homemade wontons as much as if not more than dining at Per Se, all it requires is a change in one's state of mind or attitude.

4) SELF WORTH IS NOT THE SAME AS NETWORTH - I was guilty of equating the two together when I was on Wall Street, as most people in the finance profession (or perhaps just in our society) tended to do.

5) NOTHING BEATS TRAVELLING TO EXPAND ONE'S HORIZON - another Chinese proverb:”Walking ten thousand miles of the world is better than reading ten thousand scrolls”. I echo that sentiment wholeheartedly. The experiences and joy garnered from my travels are simply invaluable. Just the sheer research (and thus knowledge gained) that went into the trip before embarking on it is worth all the efforts. Imagine learning about history, geography, customs and culture all in one go! I don't discount the pains and nuisances of traveling - packing, unpacking, being searched, having to pay for checked bags and cardboard food on the plane, but all these are minor inconveniences in the grand scheme of cultivating new knowledge and finding new inspiration.

6) RECONNECTING & BONDING: I thank the founders of Face Book, LinkedIn, Plaxo, Twitter, etc for helping me reconnect with my long lost friends. This is social media at its best – the ability to reconnect / connect people. Had it not been for leaving Wall Street and having all the time in the world, I don't think I would have reconnected and bonded as much with my family and loved ones (my mother in particular, as she was and is my constant travel companion). As we age the reality of the transience of life descends upon us by ways of other people's passing or escalating health issues, which some day will become a reality of our own.

7) SETTING ONE'S PRIORITIES - every decision has an equal and opposite consequence. Life in its grand scheme will result in gains that invariably accompanied by sacrifices, a zero sum game in my humble estimation. In hindsight there are a few priorities that I would have set straight to strike a more balanced life style while I was on Wall Street, not sure I would have given up most of my vacation weeks in the first 10 years of my career and suffered insomnia in the next 5!

8) THE ART OF LIVING ON A FIXED INCOME - whatever number I utilized once upon a bull market to figure out my "retirement" goal is out the window given the destruction of wealth from the economic crisis. I "almost" understand how Madoff was able to convince smart people to part with their hard earned money - for a 10% consistent annual return is arguably very enticing when one is looking at getting less than 1% in the bank acct. I don't know what the new paradigm entails as far as throwing off enough cash flow to fund one's accustomed life style, but certainly changes are necessary (i.e. clipping coupons). For the first time I understand the attraction of living in states that have no personal income tax, maybe I can petition NY to go that route!

9) DON'T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY - Wall Street perpetuates the delusion of one becoming a legend in one's own lunch time! Often time people confuse being at the right place and the right time with having the invincible talent to move the world from a $$$- dometer perspective. It is remarkable that once I remove myself from Wall Street and met people working on main street, I realize people on Main Street are just as smart and hard working (if not more so) as the average Joe on Wall street, but for the digits on the paycheck.

10) THE NEXT CHAPTER: Years ago a number of fortune tellers (yes, I was superstitious at one point) told me I will always work, even well into my old age and quite possibly till my demise. I started working when I was 12 years old in garment factories (labor law did not exist in Chinatown!!) and never thought I would deviate from a lifetime of work. Perhaps these 2 years of temporary hiatus from the daily grind was my “reward” to myself and now that I am fully recharged, I am ready to tackle the next chapter! I am still contemplating what that is out there will embody the following: allow me to exercise my brain, make me happy and earn decent money?

In short I am still searching for that Holy Grail of IEFF: Intellectual, Emotional & Financial Fulfillment.

Share if you discover what your IEFF is!

Letters Between Ex Husband & Wife

This is a bitingly sarcastic read (of course fabricated but hey, life imitates art)- what a marriage can be like after 7 years!!

___________________________________

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Vancouver together! Have a great life!********
________________________________

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for $35 million, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my SISTER Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

BRAZIL - Top 10 Most Interesting Experiences

Finally, having just visited Brazil (Rio, Iguaçu Falls & Salvador de Bahia) for 10 days I can now proclaim I have a sliver of an understanding of the BRICs concept (Brazil, Russia, India & China -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BRIC), an acronym first coined and prominently used by Goldman Sachs in 2001. The ecological and human diversity of the world’s fifth largest country is truly impressive. 40% of this country’s nearly 200 Mil population are multi-ethnic; this makes Brazil perhaps the most multi-cultural society in the world!! I used to think NYC was the biggest melting pot on earth, until I visited Rio. One of my tour guides told me that Brazil now focuses on the development of China (since March of this year China has replaced the US as Brazil’s largest trading partner) and India far more than that of the US because China & India have the rise of the middle class to buy stuff, while the US is in trouble. Hmmm, I call it money talks, bullsxxt walks……

So why did it take me so long to visit Brazil? Simply put, it had a less than stellar reputation against tourists so I put off going there until I figure I was mentally ready to do so. When I was getting my passport photo done, the proprietor of the photo store I went to (who happened to be Chinese) told me that each and everyone one of her relatives in Rio has been robbed or mugged. I was emotionally prepared to have a tense experience because of all the stories I had heard and all the advices I was given. On top of that the swine flu broke out a week before the trip, so taking my soon-to-turn 75 years old mother to a seemingly “dangerous” destination coupled with the possibility of catching the virus on the plane rides to and from was certainly not a relaxing start to the trip! I spent 10 days sans purses and jewelries and dressed as if I were in combat, with my pepper spray hidden in my pants (the biggest irony is that I have had to use my spray only once in my life – in Chicago! And I hope I will never have to use it again)! But what a surprise it was then that not only was the country safe, but that the people were very warm and helpful! All the fears and cautions (which perhaps served us well as we were in a heightened alert state of minds) gave way to pleasant surprises.

TOP 10 EXPERIENCES

10) GENUINELY FRIENDLY & HELPFUL PEOPLE – I experienced my first dose of genuine helpfulness of Brazilian hospitality before I even embark on my trip. My friend Cristiane whose home town is in Sao Paulo sent me a comprehensive list of where to go and what to do in Rio; and walked me through further details one night over dinner! On my TAM flight from JFK to Rio, I was seated next to a lawyer named Ana who had just completed a 9 day all ladies shopping trip with her 2 friends in the Big Apple. She took my friend’s & my Frommers’ suggested itineraries and proceeded to give me the do’s & don’ts on each neighborhood and where are the must go to places, down to how far they are from our hotel to which streets to avoid!! She even gave me her cell phone # just in case I get into trouble and she can bail me out!! Then on arrival given our flight was 45 minutes EARLY, our tour guide was not at the baggage claim area waiting for us. I asked another travel agent who was waiting for her group of travelers to arrive from Paris on how to contact our tour guide, she promptly rung our guide for us and put us at ease that we were not being abandoned!

9) FOOD PORTION THAT RIVALS AMERICAN SIZES – Is it possible that the portion of Brazilian servings at restaurants can be bigger than that of America? The answer is a resounding yes!! Twice we gave away our left-over lunches (I had it doggie-bagged as I don’t believe in wasting food given so many starving people in the world) to people that were roaming the street whom when we pointed to our food, they gladly took it from us. The “individual” portion tends to be big enough for 2 people, as we discovered. What was also interesting was that at a BBQ place, they gave us a spare plate to put all the meat that we can not finish and they will gather all the left-over and give them to the homeless. What a great way of helping the needy.

8) LORDS OF THEIR STREETS - In Rio it seems every street has a “Parking Lord” where he would come by and charge a driver for parking his or her car even though it is free parking. Our tour guide was constantly negotiating with these lords on how much to pay! I asked if he can tell these lords to bugger off, he said that one may come back and see a scratch on the side of the car, so better just pay.

7) LANGUAGE OF A TOURIST - I marvel at the fact that we managed to get around with sign language (mostly), English and Spanish (limited) in a Portuguese speaking country! And the universal sign language of a tourist: point to your camera, gesture at the shoot button, hand it to anyone in front of you, and they will take a picture for you! And likewise I did the same for others who asked, even though I have no idea what they were saying to me!

6) TAKING THE RIO METRO - Riding the subway was the highlight of our trip in Rio! We had not planned on taking the subway, but wanted to take the bus instead. Our tour guide talked us out of it and said it was far safer in the subway because there are tons of polices whereas none on the bus. The only place where his wife was ever mugged was on the bus. Someone could sit next to you and put a knife against your ribcage and alas you are cornered on the bus. The Rio metro was cleaner and felt safer than the NY subway, my mom was impressed!

5) STRIKING BEAUTY - Few cities are as physically striking as Rio de Janeiro. Its topography reminds me of Hong Kong, SF and the Bay Area, and its demographics of NYC. My favorite beach was Ipanema, and my favorite sight-seeing spot was the Corcovado Hill (taking the tram up reminds me of the Peak tram in HK) and the statute of Christ Redeemer, the aerial view seen from here is simply breathtaking!

4) WISDOMS OF A TOUR GUIDE: 1) “There are no natural disasters in Brazil, just corruptions.” 2) “There are 8 women to 1 man in Salvador, why do you think I am on my second marriage at 42?” I checked the CIA handbook on Brazil, the national avg is .98 men to 1 woman, odds is still ok.

3) FX FORECAST - I was told 5 years ago the Reais was at 3 to 1 to the US$, today it is at 2 to 1. I ran low on Reais and offered to pay US$ for a sightseeing bus on board (they didn’t accept credit cards), I was quoted a US$ price that was a whopping 30% premium over the local currency ticket! I think our bus vendor was prescient in predicting the direction of the US$ in another 5 years!

2) CITIBANK TO THE RESCUE: I was never happier to see a Citibank ATM machine in Rio!! None of the ATMs for the local banks at the airport or in the city worked, even those with the Cirrus signs. After exhausting all local bank options, I was just ecstatic to spot the all too familiar Citibank sign, so in spite of charging me US$4 ATM fee, I gladly used the machine!

1) 5 STAR HOTEL MOMENTS:

** In Rio – 2 things stood out: 1) I was mildly amused by (though my mom was not) the fact that there were NO robes, NO slippers in our hotel room, but there was a condom in the bathroom vanity kit! At least the gov’t or the hotel is health conscious and forward thinking! 2) In the Room service menu there was a PET’S MENU: grounded meat, veggies with brown rice & fruits, pet’s cookies & candies! That sounded pretty appetizing, certainly healthier than the hot dogs and pizza on the human menu!

** In Iguaçu Falls – There was gut renovation of hotel rooms from 9 am to 5pm, jackhammers were going and going….and apparently they raised their room rates according to our tour guide! Noises come with a premium!

** In Salvador – No foreign exchange service at the concierge, so if you run low on local currency, you are out of luck as the ATMs didn’t work there either!

The Underachiever's Manifesto

This is quite hilarious. Now my life makes PERFECT sense, especially in hindsight after I quit Wall Street!! Thanks to my hedge fund friend who sent this one to me.


"Let us all join hands and do less together. Then maybe let's all take a nap."

"If something is worth doing at all, sometimes it's worth doing half-assed."

"Being alive at all is by far your greatest achievement."

"let's not kill ourselves and take ourselves so SERIOUSLY!"

Pessimistic and silly as it sounds, this book expounds some serious advice. It mirrors principles of Buddhism -- be happy with where you are, what you are, rather than always trying to improve that little bit of yourself that is imperfect. We are all imperfect. Perfection is a myth. An unattainable goal. This isn't to say don't do what you enjoy -- just don't kid yourself about becoming "THE" best.

The best way to compete is not to compete! The art of competing without competing!

Rules to live by:
1. Life is too short!
2. Why bother!
3. Control is illusion!
4. Expectation leads to misery!
5. Great expectations lead to great misery!
6. Achievements lead to misery!
7. The law of diminishing return applies to everything!
8. Accomplishment is in the eye of the beholder!
9. The tallest of grass is surest to be cut!
10. It's good enough! Don't go the extra mile!

Inspiring (and timely) considering Wall Street's meltdown. Dr. Bennett M.D. makes the case that mediocrity is the key to happiness. Here's a few words of wisdom from the book:

* Turn it down a notch Lower the bar

* Perfect is the enemy of good

* In other words... Good enough is good enough.

And finally...

* Underachievement isn't about doing nothing. It's about the right effort, at the right time, in the right place. And not one bit more. (NOW THIS IS THE MOST SAGE OF ALL ADVICES IN MY OPINION)!!!

In Hindsight

Hindsight is always 20/20. What would you have done differently?

In hindsight, I would have:

1) Made kind remarks instead of mean ones to those dearest to me when they angered me

2) Learned to show my love for my family by spending more time with them instead of buying material gifts for them

3) Not sweated the small things, they kill far too many brain cells.

4) Nipped it at the bud when people became disloyal or betrayed my trust

5) Sold all my stocks and properties the day I quit Wall Street on 7/6/2007 when the Dow was close to 14,000, then to buy them all back on 3/9/09 when the Dow was at around 6,500. Oh well, I shouldn’t sweat this, maybe there will be another buying opportunity (I hope not)!

These would haves, should haves aren’t big regrets, just after thoughts. Perhaps items 1 & 2 will make me a better person, everything else is inconsequential.

An Old Woman and a Taxi Driver

This was sent to me by a friend in Singapore upon the passing of the CEO of his firm at age 48 to lukemia. The story is not about the CEO, but about, well, read on........

An Old Woman and a Taxi Driver

I arrived at the address where someone had requested a taxi. I honked but no one came out. I honked again; nothing. So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knick-knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'. 'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?' 'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly. 'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'. I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said.

'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

No More Bonuses, Let's Pay Bankers With Lottery Tickets

Today on P. C2 of the WSJ there was an article citing that 37 banks globally responded to a survey commissioned by the IIF (Institute of Int’l Finance in DC) and bankers almost unanimously agree that their compensation packages contributed to the global financial crisis BUT still are struggling to correct some of the flaws in their pay structures. The survey also cited that bankers don’t have reliable methods of measuring risks as a reason for not being able to alter the pay structure! What a convenient and laughable excuse!

Every investment bank employs tons of rocket scientists to figure out their VAR (Value at Risk) – the risk of loss on their financial assets on a daily basis. So it is stunning to me to read this report that bankers now claim they don’t have a reliable measure (which is now obvious in light of the financial crisis) on the risks they undertake as a rationale for not being able to change the pay structure. The corollary to this argument should then be how can we pay a banker ANYTHING at all if the profits are all a mirage and catastrophic losses can occur? The bankers who responded to this survey are merely in cohort with each other – they want to keep their existing compensation structure for taking risks and yet not being penalized for it.

Given certain product creation on Wall Street seems to be legalized gambling with other people’s money, it begs the question of how do you disincentivize people from taking undue risk with your money? Hey, if my compensation was tied to revenues being generated and I am not penalized by the losses I create, why won’t I make as big a bet as I can? Now given bankers have the onerous job of betting on risks that they can’t measure, then by deduction they should be rewarded in the forms of lottery tickets as the outcome is also unquantifiable, quid pro quo, leave it to the luck of the draw, me think it is fair and apropos of the situation.

And you know what, this will allay any public anger over huge bonuses being paid, because no one ever asks a lottery winner to give back his or her winnings, we just wished that it was us who won. So here is the solution to end populist anger and help create harmony - take any future Wall Street bonus pool and buy lottery tickets with it, and give the tickets as bonuses to every employee at the firm. That way, everyone gets to participate in "hope" - a powerful healing tool we sorely need at this juncture.